The "Too Single" Crew Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

“Give me a good ‘ole fashioned unbeliever”. The words continue to haunt me, as I continue to eat away at them, letter by letter. I had a hard time getting over my last one. He was a self-professed Christian…but an undercover humanist. A wonderful and atrociously vile human being all at the same time. And I’m surprised. “Why me?” I asked God. “Because you asked”, said God. “But when do you ever listen to me?” I pleaded. “Always”, said God. I was never really a heavy dater. I never really understood what was so much fun about getting emotions all tangled up. It's such a tease. love me, don't love me, hurt me, reject me, let me have to take months of my life away just too get over you! I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Just bring me my husband and let’s call it a day. All this other stuff is too much. I have six papers, an exam, a surprise birthday party and a new play to look forward to! I’m refocusing my energies on those things.
Last time we left Ebonee, she was single, but never alone. The poster child for the young, Christian, Black and successful woman of God. She’s doing quite well for herself. New Job, Great Church, Up and Coming ministry, New Man. Yes, ladies and gents, a new man. No! Not the new one after the new one in January. The new one after the new one in July! Divorced about 5 times since 2002, her singleness has found a new husband! For a long time I thought his name was Chris, but the other day she called him Shawn...or Shaun...or Sean. Whatever. I don’t know how I made that mistake. But in about 4 months, she has gone from Ebonee, to Ebonee and Shawn...or Shaun...or Sean. But come on, when was the last time that she was really just Ebonee? sigh Loving life and loving to be loved, Ebonee may finally get what she wanted after all. And the church said…AMEN.

“I went out last night. And I don't really remember getting home. But what i do know is that when i woke up, my car was crashed.” Goodbye churchgoing too good to be true saaaaved man of God. Though he really does love Jesus. It’s just this whole Christian lifestyle thing. Gosh! A newly promoted manager at the infamous Delta’s Restaurant in New Brunswick, Andre is a workaholic. One night (1st Friday’s) he even managed to oversee his restaurant responsibilities and keep me and Ashlee from acting crazy when our friend Jevon left us for another group of women. Love life? He has no love life. Not seeing anybody. He claims to be seeing the devil right now. And apparently they’re hot and heavy. Can’t remember the last time he went out with a girl and it wasn’t platonic. Yes, he’s serious.

Call her Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty! Ms. Jackson had about a 5 month drought where she was on a journey to self-discovery! Ms. Jackson had a 5 month drought and it ended...and ended it with the same man…yes blog world, she ended her drought by taking steps back. And it seems as if the same ole’ sad story seems to have come back to haunt her: Girl meets boy. Boy fools girl into believing that boy is a good guy. Girl falls for boy. Girl finds out that boy was really lying…about everything. She says she’s having a difficult month and needs a drink. I encourage her not to. This is normal for the Black Girl. “I haven’t seen him since then and I don’t think I’m going to see him again. Khristi! I just want to talk to my friend now…not my friend and all of cyberspace. Ugh!” she screams. While I am there for her on the other end of the telephone line, I am typing away at the same time. Opposite to Ebonee, things seem to be tumbling down for Tosha. The people at her job are acting crazy, she can’t seem to get to church because it’s too far of a drive and the men in her life are all wearing masks. There seems to be nothing left to do for her but apply to a Master’s program.

Introducing the newset member of the Too Single Crew: Ashlee! A twenty-four-year old 2nd year M.Div student but has aspirations to be a dancer. Huh? She hates to read, but is fluent in both Hebrew and Greek. She thinks she can con her professors into allowing her to pursue a ph.d in interpretive dance in ancient languages. Huh?

Like Khristi, Ashlee met a man her first week in seminary and it wasn’t long before she was out in the community holding hands with him! And like Khristi, Ashlee now looks back on it as a travesty. She would like to forget the entire thing ever happened. But she keeps being reminded. She tried to blame God, then she realized that it really was her fault. Though now Ashlee is on a remarkable journey to self-discovery and could possibly have a book coming out in the near future, she’s doing so well. Well, she did have one relapse that she mistook for freedom. “Hey everybody look at me! I’m with a new guy. I’m SO over the other one!” And then it was, “Hey everybody look at me! I’m with another guy. I’m REALLY over the other one." Her body couldn’t handle the extreme self-denial so it passed out on her and she wound up in the hospital. But hey, every Black girl has a set-back every now and then. I’m proud to say that she’s back on track and ready to conquer the world!

The HerStory Exhibitions

All I Want for Christmas is Some Peace of Mind!

At any rate, instead of a Christmas List, how about doing something a little more practical, like a plan. A 3-month plan to be more exact. I’m not ready for 5 year plans, or 1 year, or even 6-month. I need something I can work with. Ashlee (the newest member of the too-single crew- soon to be introduced) and I did ours together on the phone last night. It really is very simple to do…and for all you believing Christians out there, it works too! Just pray over it and apply the good ‘ole “right the vision and make it plain” scripture. Oh yeah…and actually work on some of the stuff too. Now remember, it’s only 3 months, so write down things that you can do; or work towards. Ashlee started off writing things down like doing intense Hebraic studies of the Old Testament. I had to remind her that by the time our finals are over, it will be February. Intense Hebraic Studies may be a bit unreacheable. Anyway, as a template, or a guide to help those of you who’d like to join in, I decided to post my 3 month plan online.

Khristi's 3-Month Plan November 24, 2006 Expiration Date: February 24, 2007

Spiritual Goals
- increased prayer life
- fast once a month
- ½ our of absolute silence, once a week (inspired by the social activist and trappist monk, Thomas Merton)

Academic Goals
- working on becoming a better writer
- finish all my papers early
- relax more when doing work
- establish my “question” for ph.d

Personal Goals
- devote all my energy only to things that are important
- I’d like to be emotionally consistent and stable (not mad one day and happy the next)
- Completely over the past
- All healthy relationships
- Have an amazing 25th Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- And have one he…aven of a run of shows for my new play!

The Panty Tales- Field Trip

Our trip to Victoria’s Secret was a success! But I didn’t buy anything though. No people, the success was in the fact that I was able to leave out of the store and not get arrested. Why was it that Tosha failed to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to take pictures in there? So, no, we were able to walk out as free women! I am living life on the wild side ladies and gents.

Tosha is a panty and bra professional. She gets all serious and feels her way through stuff and talks to the salespeople with secret codes saying things like, “Do you have the new VS Cotton?” I’m so confused.

But there were all sorts of wonderful things in there. And lots of wonderful colors from pinks to greens to yellow polka dots!

Secret Society?...Jesus! My secret society has a population of 1. (And at the rate I’m going, dating emotionally absent, psychologically abusive, pseudo-spiritual atheists overdue for therapy, it will continue that way.)

Whew! That was too much! At the end of the day, I figured I’d start small. We left and went to Target and got a 3 pack of bikinis...

Another Day in the Life of...

Driving along on a beautiful indian summer day. Why not roll the windows down? Khristi puts on Whitney Houston’s “One of Those Days”. She sings out loud. "Kick off my shoes and relax my feet. Hit the kitchen grab a bite to eat, It's been one of those crazy weeks And I gotta do something special for me See, hit the salon get a mani and a pedi Have a massage, get a sip and then I'm ready. Gotta take time out And my real ladies know what I'm talking about Sing! Oooooooh, baby baby..." Enjoying life and singing along, Khristi spots a bird in the middle of the road. She pays it no mind. After all, birds usually get out of the way. As she is driving and singing, Khristi’s car nears the bird and the bird attempts to fly out of the way. BAAM!!!!! The bird flys up in the air and lands behind the car. It’s dead. Feathers are everywhere! She screams as the music continues to play in the background. Khristi’s car swerves. She can’t see. Feathers are in the car. She finally gains control of the car and at the same time attempts to throw feathers out of the car one by one. Approaching a light, she calms down panting heavily. The music continues to play. Whew. That was a close one. Just "One of those Days", i guess.
Intellectually progressing, yet common sense regressing...another day in the life of Khristi Adams.