The "Too Single" Crew Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

“Give me a good ‘ole fashioned unbeliever”. The words continue to haunt me, as I continue to eat away at them, letter by letter. I had a hard time getting over my last one. He was a self-professed Christian…but an undercover humanist. A wonderful and atrociously vile human being all at the same time. And I’m surprised. “Why me?” I asked God. “Because you asked”, said God. “But when do you ever listen to me?” I pleaded. “Always”, said God. I was never really a heavy dater. I never really understood what was so much fun about getting emotions all tangled up. It's such a tease. love me, don't love me, hurt me, reject me, let me have to take months of my life away just too get over you! I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Just bring me my husband and let’s call it a day. All this other stuff is too much. I have six papers, an exam, a surprise birthday party and a new play to look forward to! I’m refocusing my energies on those things.
Last time we left Ebonee, she was single, but never alone. The poster child for the young, Christian, Black and successful woman of God. She’s doing quite well for herself. New Job, Great Church, Up and Coming ministry, New Man. Yes, ladies and gents, a new man. No! Not the new one after the new one in January. The new one after the new one in July! Divorced about 5 times since 2002, her singleness has found a new husband! For a long time I thought his name was Chris, but the other day she called him Shawn...or Shaun...or Sean. Whatever. I don’t know how I made that mistake. But in about 4 months, she has gone from Ebonee, to Ebonee and Shawn...or Shaun...or Sean. But come on, when was the last time that she was really just Ebonee? sigh Loving life and loving to be loved, Ebonee may finally get what she wanted after all. And the church said…AMEN.

“I went out last night. And I don't really remember getting home. But what i do know is that when i woke up, my car was crashed.” Goodbye churchgoing too good to be true saaaaved man of God. Though he really does love Jesus. It’s just this whole Christian lifestyle thing. Gosh! A newly promoted manager at the infamous Delta’s Restaurant in New Brunswick, Andre is a workaholic. One night (1st Friday’s) he even managed to oversee his restaurant responsibilities and keep me and Ashlee from acting crazy when our friend Jevon left us for another group of women. Love life? He has no love life. Not seeing anybody. He claims to be seeing the devil right now. And apparently they’re hot and heavy. Can’t remember the last time he went out with a girl and it wasn’t platonic. Yes, he’s serious.

Call her Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty! Ms. Jackson had about a 5 month drought where she was on a journey to self-discovery! Ms. Jackson had a 5 month drought and it ended...and ended it with the same man…yes blog world, she ended her drought by taking steps back. And it seems as if the same ole’ sad story seems to have come back to haunt her: Girl meets boy. Boy fools girl into believing that boy is a good guy. Girl falls for boy. Girl finds out that boy was really lying…about everything. She says she’s having a difficult month and needs a drink. I encourage her not to. This is normal for the Black Girl. “I haven’t seen him since then and I don’t think I’m going to see him again. Khristi! I just want to talk to my friend now…not my friend and all of cyberspace. Ugh!” she screams. While I am there for her on the other end of the telephone line, I am typing away at the same time. Opposite to Ebonee, things seem to be tumbling down for Tosha. The people at her job are acting crazy, she can’t seem to get to church because it’s too far of a drive and the men in her life are all wearing masks. There seems to be nothing left to do for her but apply to a Master’s program.

Introducing the newset member of the Too Single Crew: Ashlee! A twenty-four-year old 2nd year M.Div student but has aspirations to be a dancer. Huh? She hates to read, but is fluent in both Hebrew and Greek. She thinks she can con her professors into allowing her to pursue a ph.d in interpretive dance in ancient languages. Huh?

Like Khristi, Ashlee met a man her first week in seminary and it wasn’t long before she was out in the community holding hands with him! And like Khristi, Ashlee now looks back on it as a travesty. She would like to forget the entire thing ever happened. But she keeps being reminded. She tried to blame God, then she realized that it really was her fault. Though now Ashlee is on a remarkable journey to self-discovery and could possibly have a book coming out in the near future, she’s doing so well. Well, she did have one relapse that she mistook for freedom. “Hey everybody look at me! I’m with a new guy. I’m SO over the other one!” And then it was, “Hey everybody look at me! I’m with another guy. I’m REALLY over the other one." Her body couldn’t handle the extreme self-denial so it passed out on her and she wound up in the hospital. But hey, every Black girl has a set-back every now and then. I’m proud to say that she’s back on track and ready to conquer the world!