At the Risk of Sounding Predictable…

Interview Transcript
Date: August 4, 2007
Beginning Time: 1:45pm
Ending Time: 2:20pm
Participant: Princeton Student (PS)

Field Note: (Playing with hair as she speaks.)

AA: Name someone whom you admire as a person, either a historical figure or someone alive.

PS: Other than Jesus and my mom, at the risk of sounding predictable…Martin Luther King

AA: Why did you select that person?

PS: Because he wasn’t afraid to die. That’s my number one reason I admire him. He wasn't afraid to die for something he believed. He utilized all of his resources to change society. By resources, I mean his education, his rhetorical skills, his influences to serve others.

AA: What are the characteristics of that person?

PS: He held strong convictions. He was confident, educated, loving, consistent and thorough.

AA: Is there one specific trait that stands out more than others?

PS: His strong convictions.

AA: Can you elaborate on that?

PS: Do you mean “what were they and why I said it”?

AA: Yes

PS: He believed very strongly in God and not only the existence of God, but also a personal God, a God who cared about the “people” and strongly invested in the people. He had strong convictions in racial and social equality. He wasn’t too wavering, although somewhat wavering about the Vietnam War. Why? That was what motivated him, his strong convictions. That’s what moved him to act. Everything revolved around his personal convictions.

AA: In general, what traits do you ascribe to someone whom you admire?

PS: Honesty is a big one. People who are honest about themselves, who take personal responsibility and hold themselves accountable. Humility is another one.

AA: Any more thoughts on “humility”?

PS: It goes hand in hand with honesty. You don’t have to beat yourself up. Just be honest with who you are.

AA: Do you think that King had those traits?

PS: Yes and no. There is evidence that he was an honest and humble person. He was a human being. I wasn’t around him. But, I’m sure there were times when he may not have been honest and humble. I’m sure that he had his prideful moments.

AA: How has that person impacted your life?

PS: I think King as well as other members of the Civil Rights movement has impacted my life because I was born into a society that is more accepting of Black people and other cultures and ethnicities- because of their sacrifices. Now that I’m older, it causes me to want to do the same for the world.

AA: How has that person impacted the life of others either in the family, community or society?

PS: I think I kind of answered that question.

AA: Do you think the youth today would admire him enough to follow him, if he were alive?

PS: Oh yes, perhaps if he were alive and spoke of issues relevant to them. The reality is that those teenagers (of the 60’s) were active in the freedom movement. The environment was conducive then. Besides, King was young and appealed to the youth.

AA: Do you think because he was young that he drew a lot of teenagers to his movement?

PS: Yes

AA: Do you think that youth would follow him today?

PS: Some, but not all. Youth aren’t going to get involved in a cause unless there is a personal stake or if something is threatening their existence. I’m not talking about something subliminal. It has to be pervasive- looking them right in the face. AA: What concerns you most about whom and how young people choose role models?

PS: The selfish choosing of role models. It seems to be self-motivated. If someone chose a Dr. King, it was because he helped others, selfless motives. Many youth today choose role models because they got the bling, money, material things. They want to be like “them” for what they “got” as opposed to who thy touch, what lives they change or how they’ve bettered society.

AA: Describe how Dr. M. L. King could influence our youth.

PS: King could influence our youth today with a message of today. He would not be able to go back and use issues of the past to influence the present. He would need to be relevant- make it relevant to today’s culture. However, it is a fact that racism exists today, but it looks different.

AA: How can we teach our youth about the significance of Dr. M. L. King?

PS: Take the historical King and make him relevant. Take from King’s life, all that encompasses him (his childhood, his education, his successes and failures) and make it personal. Allow the children to translate the information into something that is relevant and meaningful to them.

AA: Do you think learning about Dr. M. L. King will help the youth in any way? Explain.

PS:Yes. I think I answered that. His life and his experiences would have to be meaningful to them. And the youth have to want to learn about him.

AA: Thank you for your honesty and your thoroughness in answering the questions.

He Can Be My Cinderella-ella-ella-ey-ey-ey

I swear at least three different versions of Cinderella were on tv today. My observation though was quite different than what one would expect. How can one resist pointing out the obvious romanticized, patriarchal, racist and every other ism that these children’s films embody? However, that’s not why I write. I chose to watch one of the three versions of Cinderella; one that I thoroughly enjoy called, “Happily Ever After” (i think)….well Drew Barrymore’s in it. Tastefully stays true to the actual story but highlights Danielle’s (Cinderella) indigent socio-economic situation-though in spite of this, she remains both feisty and opinionated. When word of her economic status reaches the prince’s ears, he shuns her. They’re too different-from two different worlds. He is a prince and she is a peasant. But he comes to realize that she is his soul mate no matter what her background. He rides in on his horse wearing his crown and prince’s attire just to find Danielle working, a muddy face and ripped up clothes.
“I believe this belongs to you.”
He slides the diamond studded shoe over her holey stockings over her foot.
And they lived happily ever after.
I’m thinking to myself, “What if the tables were turned? Would this story be as cute?” If she were the princess and he were the peasant, would we reward Princess Cinderella for her ability to overlook that one non-important factor of one's socio-economic position? Or. Would we talk about her? I’d talk about her. It’d be my natural response. “Girl what’s wrong with you? What’s love got to do with it when he can’t support you? You are a princess. You have a trust fund. An entire kingdom awaiting you. Let him gooooo.” Well, I may not say that, but I’d think it. What’s that percentage again that you’re always quoting Ashlee? 44% of Black women with educations and/or successful careers are single? In many relationships women have taken on these messianic dispositions feeling this need to “save”- replacing the word as “helping”. Not just financially, but many times “saving” by being the emotional initiator. Hoping their prayers will “save” the non-spiritual. Sounds sad and it is in fact, a problem- but in many cases it’s true. On one hand we fancy the idea of a big, strong prince whisking us away. On the other hand, if the tables were turned we’d take a pass and settle for the “what if?” daydreams. Now granted, there are many, many men out there who are more than well off and don’t fall into this category…and about 10% of them are straight and not taken…so this doesn’t apply to them. But why can’t men have their own Cinderella stories without falling into the dead beat, lazy, uneducated brotha stereotype?

The "Too Single" Crew: Biological Clocks a Tickin'

Meet the newest member of the "too single" crew...Jessie!
After a long, intense, two and a half year relationship, Jessie is living the single life again. Why not join the “too single” crew? How we have come to love Jessie- another 25 year old Master’s of Divinity student at Princeton Theological Seminary who loves God and doesn’t know what they want to do with their life. She does know this much: “I want to live,” she says. On the surface this comment seems deep, but it’s just the sign of a single Christian in their mid-20’s whose former long list of future life achievements, has now been narrowed down to merely living and getting through the week. She recently decided that “it’s okay to look.” You know-that good ole’ match.com motto. Internet dating is like internet job hunting. Do I take the job for $9 an hour or just keep searching for something better? Jessie’s happy to be apart of the “too single crew”: “It feels good to know there are others workin out the whole single thing.” Honey, if you only knew…


Tosha began the summer on what she calls “a man diet.” Since then I would say that she’s now “a man vegetarian” or shall I say vegan. You can’t even talk about men- in a romantic way- around her; it’s like a bad word or something. Because of this I’m pretty confident that when she does get married she will be the world's most apron wearing, baby makin, what do you want for dinner honey askin, can’t go hang out on a Saturday night with the girls, wifey. I can’t wait to meet the lucky winner.



This is the most single Khristi has ever been. She's a busy body. The poster child for single, independent and working (with no money though). Relationships have never been her thing, but she has always had a fling or a prospect on the side. Not sure what this season is all about. She’s tried to convince herself that she’s taking the whole “waiting for her husband” thing more seriously. Therefore quick flings and meaningless, emotionally draining companionships she’s sworn off. It’s August though. She thinks she needs a fix real bad. Like quick flings are a shot of cocaine or something. Is there a rehab for people like her?

Ebonee, Ebonee, Ebonee. Ebonee had a “too single” crisis the other day. Let’s just say it was resolved for the time being. She could blow any minute though. Interestingly enough her single crisis is somehow affecting her faith. Or vice versa. Church just isn’t quite her thing anymore. And she’s somehow come to a new and fresh perspective of God and God’s will. A corporate recruiter at Enterprise, she somehow manages to meet a guy here or there. Her requirements have shifted from Man of God who is Saved, Sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost, to…well…just a man I guess.The good news- or bad- or neither- whatever- as we draw near towards the close of the summer, Ebonee continues to remain single, but never alone.


Andre is in Canada. Doing what I have no idea. Canada vacations used to be the in-thing in the mid-90’s. No one just ups and goes to Canada anymore unless they're going to the mountains with an entire group of fun loving friends. Like an entire group of 15. White water rafting and the like. Anyway he’s there. He has a crush on some girl. He’s so secretive about his crushes. Poor Mugga, the only guy in the too single crew. All his other brothers are either taken, in jail or what ladies?..lemme hear that three letter word....! I personally think any girl has to be stupid to not get with Dre. He’s a man of God, he’s sweet, he’s a manager at a big time hotel, he’s got a brand new Lexus, shall I go on? Now granted, I don’t like him like that, but that’s different.

Ashlee. Hmmmm. Not sure what Ashlee’s doing. Ashlee has ex’s all over the planet. They all secretly seem to remain either cool or close. Hmmmm. At any rate, while other people look forward to the future years down the line with a family and a house with kids and a job, Ashlee looks forward to what her future looks like post graduation. If she can just get over that hump, then she’s achieved more than she ever dreamed of. Sigh.

Check out the "Too Single" Crew archives:

http://khristiadams.blogspot.com/2006/11/too-single-crew-walkin-in-winter.html

http://khristiadams.blogspot.com/2006/08/too-single-crew-summer-update.html

http://khristiadams.blogspot.com/2006/06/too-single-interfaith-dialogue-summer.html

http://khristiadams.blogspot.com/2005/10/meet-too-single-crew-pictures-soon-to.html

Animal Instincts

In the 90’s, the closest we got to the violently plagued Crenshaw and Compton was through the television screen. Within the past year in Philadelphia and Camden it seems as if someone gets shot every second. Now those shots are ringing in an increasing rhythm a whole lot closer to home than some of us are willing to admit. Close your doors, lock them and never come out. “Fight for Justice, Fight for Peace. Speak Up! Speak Now!” Those were the chants that were heard through the streets of Somerset this past Saturday after a string of premature funerals left the entire community unsettled with uncertainty and fear about the future of our youth. Today, three more murdered in Newark and one who experienced the same brutality with a different outcome. She lived. What now? Do we march again? Do we sing in the streets “We shall overcome?” Do we go to the mayor or the governor or the President and demand a solution???? I can just picture it now- a great big crowd of non-violent protest marchers strumming through the streets shouting “No violence” while the real murders sit at home, watching Sonny Corleone murdered execution style by his enemies in The Godfather. What can tame the increasing animal-instinctual-survival of the fittest frame of mind that our generation has succumb to? It seems as if there are two options. 1) either an all out military presence along with city wide curfews; or 2) Genocide. Neither are appealing options ,yet tempting and practical if not for the humanity that God saw fit to salvage upon flooding the entire earth. So I ask myself two questions: What would Jesus do? What would Dr. King do? (I’m sure I can use another figure, but he comes to mind) Both were not afraid to die. (at least King wasn’t in the latter part of his life) I’m not so sure I’m willing to die right now. But the reality is- if we are to engage in this war- and it is a war- that’s kind of a requisite- even if far fetched. You may disagree, but hey. Jesus would pray a whole lot right? Shouldn’t we do something spiritual like have a day of prayer and fasting or something? I don’t know. But we have both a spiritual and natural war ahead and those who wish to be apart have to be willing to engage. And that’s a major decision. One that I can’t make in a planning meeting. At any rate, whatever you decide to do, or however you decide to engage, I’m game until then.

"Could Mr. Right be White?"

More Black Women Consider 'Dating Out'
By Dionne Walker
AP

RICHMOND, Va. — For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom's strict rule. "Mom always told me, 'Don't you ever bring a white man home,'" recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers. But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating "anyone who asks me out," regardless of race."I don't sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I'm going to marry," Jones said.Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.They're taking cues from their favorite stars — from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams — as well as support blogs, how-to books and interracially themed novels telling them it's OK to "date out."

It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry."I'm not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems," Jones said. "I'm just saying that they offer a different solution."She reflects many black women frustrated as the field of marriageable black men narrows: They're nearly seven times more likely to be incarcerated than white men and more than twice as likely to be unemployed.Census data showed 117,000 black wife-white husband couples in 2006, up from 95,000 in 2000.There were just 26,000 such couples in 1960, before a Supreme Court ruling banished laws against mixed marriages.Black female-white male romance has become a hot topic in black-geared magazines and on websites, even hitting the big screen in movies like last year's "Something New."

That film centers on an affluent black woman who falls for her white landscaper, a situation not unlikely as black women scale the corporate ladder, said Evia Moore, whose interracial marriage blog draws 1,000 visitors a day.It features articles like "Could Mr. Right Be White?" and pictures of couples like white chef Wolfgang Puck and his new Ethiopian wife."Black women are refusing to comply with that message about just find yourself a good blue-collar man with a job, or just find a black man," Moore said. She pointed to low rates of black men in college, a place where women of all races often meet their spouses.Black women on campus largely are surrounded by non-black men: In 2004, 26.5% of black males ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college versus 36.5% of black women that age, according to the American Council on Education's most recent statistics.Even after college, Roslyn Holcomb struggled to meet professional black men."I wanted to get married (and) have children," she said. "If I was only meeting one guy a year, or every few years, that wasn't going to happen."The Alabama author eventually married white."I think a lot of black women are realizing or feeling that the pickings are slim," she said.They're made even slimmer, grumble many black women, by high rates of successful black men choosing blondes. For some, they argue, white wives are the ultimate status symbol."They don't want a dark chocolate sister laying around their swimming pool," Moore said.Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 black-white couples in 2006 involved black husbands.

Meanwhile, psychological barriers have discouraged black women from crossing racial lines."Black women are socialized to stick by their men," explained Kellina Craig-Henderson, a Howard University psychology professor who studied 15 black women dating interracially.She said modern black women agonize over breaking male-female bonds forged in slavery and strengthened through the Jim Crow era.

"It may be even more of an issue for educated black women who have a sense of the historical realities of this country, where black women often were abused at the hands of white men," Craig-Henderson said.Jones remembered being troubled when a white man politely approached her around 1990. Her stance softened years later, after a sobering party experience."All the black men literally pushed (us) out the way to talk to the blondes," said Jones, who soon declared, "I'm going to date whoever."

Black men and women have openly feuded before.At places like Atlanta's Spelman College, black women have rallied against black male rappers characterizing them as promiscuous.But black men are voicing their own frustrations with women they feel regard them with suspicion. "They treat us all the same," said W. Randy Short, a Washington writer who dates across races. "The rapist on the TV is the same as me."It's a frustration director Tim Alexander tackles in "Diary of a Tired Black Man," a frank film covering everything from black women's demeanors to their weight. Frustrated by black women, the main character dates a white one.

"To a certain degree, black people are sick of each other," Alexander said. "It would be better for black men and black women to open their options."But Ayo Handy-Kendi, creator of Black Love Day, argues blacks are simply reacting to messages linking success with whiteness. She referred to a string of successful athletes with white partners, including golfer Tiger Woods.

"They normally rejected their culture and they went to the acceptable standard of success — a white woman," said Handy-Kendy, who thought it ironic high-achieving black women were mimicking the behavior.Back in Virginia, Jones feels life is too short to ponder race when it comes to love.As for mom, Jones figures, "she really admires the fact that I did something she may have really wanted to do, and never did."

Youth Violence Worse Than White Racism

by: REV. DEFOREST B. SOARIES JR.

The recent execution-style murders of three college students in Newark made it crystal clear that America's urban communities are in a crisis of epic proportions. The growing numbers of murdered young people across the nation sounds an alarm that is falling on deaf ears. Shamefully, black and Latino Americans have become desensitized to the No. 1 threat to our existence — youth violence. We are slumbering perilously close to finding our communities and cities in a state that many believe require martial law. Though the headlines say we are outraged, there is little to no corresponding action that demonstrates our outrage. It is time for innovative, strategic, community-based action if we hope to eradicate this disease of violence that is plaguing us.

I am appalled at how our leaders are ultraquick to respond when a white police officer kills a young man of color, but do not respond with the same energy or persistence when young people of color kill each other. Just four months ago, I was flooded with calls and e-mails when Don Imus delivered his racists remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team.
Black leaders from New Jersey to California were ready to mobilize and respond to his offensive words. The media coverage was nonstop. Where is that vigor now, in the days after three black students' lives were snuffed out at the hands of their peers? Where were our leaders last month when two young men from Franklin were killed within 36 hours of each other? If white racists had done this to our kids, we would launch a national response. The failure of local and national leaders to act is an indictment of our collective integrity.

The body count in our communities reminds us that Iraq is not the only place where we are at war. I am calling for a meeting of religious, political and community leaders to meet with concerned teens to craft a comprehensive response. We are no longer living in the days of social action in response to racial discrimination. Sit-ins, marches and protests will not work. The young people of the civil-rights movement confronted an entirely different animal than young people today. It seems as if our youth are not nearly as involved in the struggle for their future as we would like them to be. Martin Luther King Jr. once recalled the words of one teenage student in the movement. "Dr. King," he said, "I am ready to die if I must." Today our kids are dying, too, but senselessly and at the hands of each other.

The nihilistic culture that has engulfed our youth embraces violence and shuns individual responsibility. They have spent countless hours having this pathology affirmed by electronic entertainment and criminal icons. In many ways, this challenge is a greater threat to the future of black and Latino people in America than white racism. The civil-rights movement had the dismantling of racist laws and structures as its primary objective, and it was successful. However, there is no civil-rights strategy that can be effective in resolving the current crisis of youth violence. We are starting from scratch and must devise a new strategy that addresses our current predicament. This is an epidemic and a crisis. It's time to put our religious faith and our civic concern into action, step from behind our pulpits and desks and onto the battlefield. If we fail to, the only option left is martial law.

The Rev. DeForest B. Soaries Jr. is the senior pastor of First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset and former New Jersey secretary of state.

Is it me?

Is it me, or is My Super Sweet Sixteen the signs of the times? Parents splurging thousands (and I mean thousands) of dollars on renting out clubs that most of them legally should never see the inside of until the 2012 presidential election. They skulk about bossing around top fashion designers and music moguls demanding that things be done the way they want it or else? Or else what? Unbelievable. God forbid something goes awry. “So mom, what do you think about this dress? Are my breasts out too much?” And what about the grand super surprise at the end? They tell Michael and his guests to step outside. It’s a brand new Range Rover! Make sure you drive home safely, seeing that you’re only sixteen and only have a permit. Take a good look ladies and gentlemen. These are the future.

Four College Friends Shot in New Jersey: Is there a Solution to the Increasing Violence in New Jersey?

By DAVID PORTER, AP
Posted: 2007-08-06 20:47:18
Filed Under: Crime News
NEWARK, N.J. (Aug. 6) - In a city where gun violence has become an all too common part of daily life, these shootings were enough to chill even the most hardened residents: Four young friends shot execution-style in a schoolyard just days before they were to head to college. Authorities investigate the scene where four college students who were friends were lined up and shot in a schoolyard in Newark on Saturday. One student survived, while the other three were killed.Three were killed after being forced to kneel against a wall and then shot in the head at close range Saturday night, police said. A girl was found slumped near some bleachers 30 feet away, a gunshot wound to the head but still alive.

The four Newark residents were to attend Delaware State University this fall. No arrests had been made by Monday and authorities had not identified suspects. The shootings ratcheted up anger in New Jersey's largest city, where the murder rate has risen 50 percent since 1998. The high number of killings have prompted billboards in the downtown area that scream, "HELP WANTED: Stop the Killings in Newark Now!" "Anyone who has children in the city is in panic mode," said Donna Jackson, president of Take Back Our Streets, a community-based organization. "It takes something like this for people to open up their eyes and understand that not every person killed in Newark is a drug dealer." The killings bring Newark's murder total for the year to 60, and put pressure on Mayor Cory A. Booker, who campaigned last year on a promise of reducing crime.

Jackson said Booker "doesn't deserve another day, another second, while our children are at stake." Booker said Monday that it was "not a time to play politics and divide our city." A $50,000 reward was being offered for information leading to the arrest of those involved, he said. A month ago, Booker and Police Director Garry McCarthy announced that crime in the city had fallen by 20 percent in the first six months of 2007 compared to a year ago. Yet despite decreases in the number of rapes, aggravated assaults and robberies, the murders have continued. Natasha Aeriel, 19, was listed in fair condition at Newark's University Hospital. Police identified her slain companions as her brother, Terrance Aeriel, 18, Iofemi Hightower, 20, and Dashon Harvey, 20. Authorities believe the shootings were a random robbery committed by several assailants and that some of the victims may have tried to resist their attackers. They were piecing together details of the attack from interviews with Natasha Aeriel. Hightower and the Aeriels had been friends since elementary school and played in the marching band at West Side High School. Terrance Aeriel, known as T.J., took Hightower to the school prom in 2006, chauffeured by his sister.

At Delaware State they met Harvey, another musician, and struck up a friendship. Friends and family members said the four were not involved in drinking, drugs or gangs. They liked to congregate at the school, which sits in a middle-class neighborhood less than a mile from the campus of Seton Hall University, to hang out and listen to music. Harvey's father, James, said Monday the parents of the assailants were to blame. "If you raised your kids better, this would not happen," he said. Hightower worked two jobs and recently enrolled at the school. One of her jobs was at Brighton Gardens, an assisted living center in nearby West Orange, where her mother also worked. On the afternoon of the killings, she told her mother she planned to spend the night at Natasha Aeriel's house near the Mount Vernon School. "The last time I heard her voice was Saturday night," Hightower said between sobs. "She called me from work to let me know Natasha was going to pick her up and she was going to spend the night. She told me she loved me." The Aerials' mother, Renee Tucker, said the last time she saw them was around 10:30 p.m. Saturday, when they told her they were going around the corner to get something to eat. "They said they were going to come right back to the house," Tucker said.