The Available to All PH.D in Selflessness

Supportive Friendships vs. the Responsibility of a Demanding Relationship

Do yourselves a favor: Learn the difference. I am by no means an expert when it comes to relationships, but I do consider myself having a slight advantage with my array of very close male friendships that constantly enlighten and persuade me regularly. There is a language barrier between men and women that has yet to be comprehended because it has yet to even be recognized as a plausible distinction.

Usually, without even recognizing it, men require a certain display of affection as demonstrated through a common friendship. There is a trust and an understanding of a certain type of security that needs to be developed. For the man (the straight man that is), the entirety of this will not come through the limits of a male to male friendship. However, it only seems probable that if this is to come through a male to female relationship, then that relationship can in no way be platonic. Therefore, the male feels it necessary to get into a romantic relationship with the female. After a while, the male continues to give what he knows how to give, all the while receiving very little, if any of that supportive friendship that grows to the affectionate trust that he desires. Instead he has yet another responsibility of a demanding relationship. Then comes retreating time ladies and gentlemen. Men will always pull back when they feel smothered. Always. They feel smothered because of the female who is seeking affection, love, security and trust through other means that most of the time will be in a romantic, call me when you get home, who were you out with last night, how come you don't tell me you love me, hold me, kind of way.

Girl A is becoming to be good friends with Guy B. They are so close in fact that Girl A is having a hard time distinguishing her feelings for Guy B. She automatically assumes that these feelings that she has for him, means that she must do something about it. She holds back for a little while, but her female nature and mental transformation, automatically takes her from the state that she was previously in, to another that is strikingly similar to that of the "girlfriend". She becomes upset when Guy B confides in her about his most recent girlfriend. She makes obvious insinuations of jealousy and Guy B can feel the heat. As their friendship goes on, Girl A's calls to Guy B increase. Guy B becomes uncomfortable and is reading a strange communication from Girl A that frightens him. He pulls away from her.

Sometimes, as in Guy B's case, men have trust issues and other issues that'll stem from rough family backgrounds or other mode of events that may result in the way that they perceive and function in relationships. Girl A has got to keep this in mind. The last thing Guy B needs right now is for her to start acting like a crazy girlfriend leaching from him the little life that he feels he has to hold onto. That may seem extreme, but Guy B thinks that way. Girl A's next step is to remain right where she is and not act impulsively on feeling. One day Girl A and Guy B may get together in a romantic relationship, but at this point, they need to build on a strong foundation of friendship if their romantic relationship will ever be a successful one.

Guy D and Girl C have been dating for a while. Guy D really likes Girl C and he's actually a good boyfriend. But Girl C is trying so hard to hang onto Guy D that she constantly mood swings and constantly nags him. She says things like, "Did you miss me? Well, did you?" all the time. Girl C demands that he constantly display affection non stop so that she can feel better and more secure about their relationship. Now when we're on the phone and I mention the name Girl C, he says things like, "Shhhh, she might hear her name and call me." Guy D feels the demands and obligations of a relationship, instead of the carefree support of a friendship.

It seems as if Girl C has some problems with security in relationships. Guy D needs to continue to be patient with her if he wants this thing to work. But really, in all actuality, I think Girl C needs to come to some self-realizations on her own before continuing on in this relationship.

What will it take for a man and a woman to understand the others gender responsive linguistics? SELFLESSNESS. I think that in the end, when the romantic part of the relationship comes to fruition, there will not be even one thought of the words, "demanding" and "responsibility", because it will all come naturally. Guy B won't be calling Girl A because he feels obligated too, but because he just simply wants to. Girl C won't smother Guy D, because she'll be secure in herself and in him. Now this blog may be a bit gender biased, but that's only because I'm a woman who happens to be writing the article from a woman's perspective. I'm trying to help the brothas' out, because they're silent push aways and distant fall off's are going unheard. Now granted, it will take a bit of work. I'm not saying that one won’t have feelings for the other that extend beyond brotherly and sisterly love. The beauty that will come through this is the awareness of these feelings, but the selfless act of not acting impulsively and selfishly on them. On the other hand, you must not act on the feelings, but on the selfless respect that you hold for that person. What's selfless is saying that a romantic relationship is not what Guy B needs right now, so I will sacrifice and give this part of myself up for the other and for the total outcome of a healthy relationship.

Now do you see why I dislike the term "boyfriend"?

**NOTE: This does not apply to all. Some men are just triflin'.