Ontology

Having a not so mid life crisis. (Ebonee had one last week) Watching Sex in the City. Laughing very hard. Feeling bad about laughing really hard at sex jokes. Knowing nothing about it. But a little more than something about it. Protecting myself from the inevitable. Hurt. Disappointment. Fears. Pretending to be invincible. And you believe me. Haven’t cried in months. Wondering if I’m worshipping the same God that I did last year. Getting close to you. But not too close. Producing a play. Afraid of producing a play. Wanting the fairytale. Not believing in the fairytale. Disdaining the fairytale. Watching your kids. Being the mentor. Wishing I could really be all that you think I am. Has moved on. Controlling the situation. So that it doesn’t control me. Sad today. Hopeful about tomorrow. No plans for the future. Faith journeying for the first time ever. Wanting to go far. But not too far that I lose God. Hoping that I haven’t already. Wanting my wants taken into account. Thinking about your prophecy. Wishing you could read my mind. Aspiring to be some…thing. Competing with myself. I’m winning. I’m losing. Getting ready to eat Cheerios. Not hungry. Don’t know where to go in the Bible. Do know that Christ resurrected. Confused by your ignorance. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Wondering what my life would be like if I never met you. Tired of church. Going to bed early. Having a not so mid life crisis.

A Must See!

Once Upon a Dream is a play about a young man struggling with his sexuality within the social constructs of the African American Church. It is a story of his struggle on a personal level, amongst his family, his church, as well as his friends. Once Upon a Dream merges dramatic expression with real life experience by artistically presenting a reality that is commonly ignored.
THIS SHOW IS A MUST SEE!!

Crossroads Theater
7 Livingston Avenue New Brunswick, NJ

Friday July, 7, 2006 7:30pm Saturday, July 8, 2006 12:30 & 8pm
Tickets on sale June 1st @ the State Theater Box Office
Box Office: 732-246-SHOW

The "Too Single" Chronicles...the saga continues

SHONoto: what kind of men do you usually find attractive?
KhristiA: ummm. well i don't have too much of a preference. though at the moment, i prefer who i'm with right now...for the moment. so i guess that would be, educated. goal oriented. cunning. humorous. a bit of a challenge.
SHONoto: You are with someone? That's great!! I was thinking that all of this time you've been single.
KhristiA: all what time?
SHONoto: since I last saw you.
KhristiA: oh wow. that's a long time. i've dated a few guys in the last 4 years. lol. i'm just not all extra vocal about it.
SHONoto: I just thought you were being ultra spiritual
KhristiA: wow. you don't know me at all do you?
SHONoto: you can be hard to get to know if you want to be.
SHONoto: at least for me
KhristiA: well the reality is, i haven't physically seen you in quite a while sir. nor have we had consistent communication. i'm not nearly the same person i was at the owl cove.
SHONoto: true, and I don't think we really knew each other then either.
KhristiA: true
SHONoto: I know a side of the old you, not the depth. Now I guess, that may be irrelevant information.
SHONoto: I'm still pretty sure your a wonderful person though. changes or not.
KhristiA: lol
KhristiA: okay then
KhristiA: but anyway, i'm not on my way to the altar if that's what you think. i'm chillin
SHONoto: that's cool. I was gonna try to hook you up to speak to my buddy from church. He would have really matched well with the old you that I didn't know well?!?!?! LMAO
SHONoto: by the way, who is solomon's third cousin, on his mama's side?
SHONoto: I get confused with 3rd and second cousins and stuff liket that
KhristiA: hook me up? LOL
KhristiA: i don't know who solomon's 3rd cousin is...i just asked it tryin to be funny
SHONoto: lol
SHONoto: you must be kidding
KhristiA: kidding about solomon or the hook me up thing?
SHONoto: I'm hear studying
SHONoto: saying ok, bathsheba's father was,, and so who was his brother and blablabla
KhristiA: ohhh
SHONoto: Not hook you up like to date or anything, just introduce you and see if you become friends or whatever.
KhristiA: friends huh? i have a few of those.
KhristiA: LOL
KhristiA: just kidding.
KhristiA: kinda
SHONoto: :-s hmmm.....
SHONoto: that's cool.

The FINE and FORTY Awards!

There was a time I tell you…there was a time when the thought of a 40 year old man outside of the context of “dad” and “uncle” would repulse me. YUCK. ILK! But all that has changed.

And the grand prize goes to…
Blair Underwood. No No. Blair Underwood. No No. I mean….Blair Uuuuuunnnnderwood. He has looked like this for 20 years!
Helllllooooo Patrick Dempsey: The reason why I watch Grey’s Anatomy. I mean, is it even possible to look better at 40 than one did at 20? It is with Patrick Dempsey. 1st prize for Fine and 40 goes to you!

Runner up goes to Maurice Bernard who stole my heart 11 years ago...you know...the guy that mentored Stone who was dying of Aids and Robin contracted HIV because she slept with Stone when they didn't know it and Stone wound up going blind but he finally saw Robin for the last time right before he died...you know...him.


Thanks to all of you; I am a changed woman.

A Pilgrim's Regress

“This every soul seeketh and for the sake if this doth all her actions, having an inkling that it is; but what it is, she cannot sufficiently discern, and she knoweth not her way, and concerning this she hath no constant assurance as she hath of other things.”

Plato

Introducing…the Subjective god.

i'm the imaginary friend you always thought you never had

the monster that hid in the crevasses of your closet

the spirit behind those moving dolls lying against your bedroom walls

i am your pressing subconscious

i am simply who you are

simply who you want me to be…metaphysically that is

remember Jesus?

remember buddha?

krishna, jameson and grudem?

remember marxx?

remember socrates?

lewis, hemingway and nietzche?

i am all of these combined.

i am syncretism defined,

seducing and confusing stable minds

with my ism

created by mans social loafing schisms.

i am alpha and omega

the never was, never is and never will be to come.

your reason is sufficient enough to discover me

Hell, your mirror is sufficient enough to discover me.

I am

the construction

ofyour own

imagination

and desire.

(memories <>)

Mind Blogs: "Imago Dei"

Sometimes I think about the whole concept of predestination.
thinking its absurd
excuses
to bias
denying us the right to free will.
Then there are other times
when I try
to escape
to negate
the force I feel it’s pull
seducing me
systematically grooming me
consuming me
reducing me to conform to an image other than my own
and I try to disconnect
from those sects that are to blame
But when I’ve left those behind
even in my mind
I find
that it’s hard to deny
who I am.
what I am.
That I am called to some..thing.