The Silent Contractor

Try this. Try praying to the Lord without a split personality. Thanks Kai. I really needed to hear that. Because I realized that that is exactly what I do, in spite of my belief that I have surrendered all to God and that my will is His. That’s fabrication at it’s best. You know...when it sounds spiritual. I have always had a double agenda when it comes to God. It has been the spiritualization of those wants that has often time swindled me into believing that this was in fact, the ultimate plan of God for my life. So I go to Him in prayer as a silent contractor. I take my agenda to Him, my employer, in our private meeting in the night. It’s all laid out. All the while saying, “Not my will, but Yours be done!” Even while writing this, there is a part of me that objects as if this were all a false chronicle, defending my submission in all its mysticism. Yet, I may not say it and I may not even have to consciously think it anymore, but it’s there.

The plans.

MY plans.

The agenda.

MY agenda.

For a while I scarcely could comprehend why God places us in demanding situations and it can be so tremendously uncomfortable. We squirm. We whine. We complain. It’s because it never fit into our own agenda....Yes...that very agenda that we said was God’s..That One.