EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It!

MAN DELIVERED FROM HOMOSEXUALITY & HEALED OF AIDS

By KHRISTI L. ADAMS

East Brunswick: It was a little over a year ago when I saw Matthew C. Manning in a television documentary entitled, “Twice Saved: The Matthew Manning Testimony”. I became increasingly involved as my eyes and ears began to gather information about his intense experiences. I listened as he re-told his story and actors re-enacted every moment. Can this be? An avid unbeliever living in the Castro district of San Francisco individually experiences the light of Christ Jesus, then walks a path of deliverance from homosexuality just to discover he has AIDS. However 5 years later, with 24 hours left to live, his AIDS goes into remission in which months later God miraculously heals him completely, testing HIV negative on both tests ever since. What’s a little more convincing of the validity of his story is it being accented by his non-churched facets. He wasn’t cultivated in a “church” culture, but history of his relationship with God is solely based on direct experiences. The question remained: Should I take the skeptic route or investigate the possibilities? I thought this was worth investigating. Off to California!

Upon arrival in the renowned San Francisco Bay Area, I made what I dub, a “faith call”, to Lighthouse World Evangelism Ministries, informing their general voice mail of my recent 3,000 mile journey to inquire of the one they call Pastor Matt (and of course visiting for my own leisure reasons also). Not expecting an immediate response, I received a call back within the hour directing me to a nearby Johnny Rockets in which Pastor Matt and his wife Christa were dining. As I entered the quaint dinner, I noticed the man that I saw on the television set so many months before. I wanted to introduce myself and tell him how I saw his documentary on television, converse with him and ask him the questions that had been on my mind. However when I confronted him all that I had desired to utter was somehow stuck in my mind and only able to come out in the form of “Hello”. Pastor Matthew was confused. He assumed that I was there to seek counseling from my own personal struggles from homosexuality.

“Would you like to go somewhere and talk?” he asked.
“No”, I responded.
“Are you comfortable talking to me about it here?”
“Talking about what?”
“Wait, why are you here?” he questioned.
He couldn’t comprehend how or why I would be as interested in his ministry and ministering to homosexuals as much as I was and I had never struggled with homosexuality. (I could see why though. It is a bit weird.) Pastor Matthew did most of the talking that afternoon. I just listened, though, he didn’t have to re-tell the story that I heard on the television set. The more he spoke, the more I believed. There was something different about this man. Something piercingly authentic. Something subservient and meek. His words were sharp and penetrating. He had this peculiar way of making me feel exposed and thirsting for immediate change. Instantaneously, I became a believer: A believer in the ultimate power of Christ to resolve the naturally unattainable.

It’s been an honor to be trained under and to have the opportunity to help Pastor Matthew launch the ministry that God has given him. I could say that it was my inquiry that opened those doors of favor so many months ago, but I realize the steps that I thought were mine had been prearranged by God long ago.

Sweet Watermelon

Your love is like sweet w a t e r m e l o n
it's like...sweet w a t e r m e l o n
i am satisfied
my spirit gratified
while your nutrients subside
and abide in me

Oooh your trinity
makes me complete
i'm seeing in threes
there's only one of you
whom all things come
through all I do

Weak in the knees
for the pick of your seeds
uprooting the weeds
while my enemies feed
Your juices console
Your Spirit controls
picks me up from the lull
that binds me

You see my inner beauty
and You call me queen
sweet like ice cream
in a little girls dreams

mmm mmm your w a t e r m e l o n
thrills my soul
fills my holes
makes me
whole enough in my single state
to meet the mate that you prescribed
in a land before time
the wait is no mind
i won't fall behind on your test
mystery manifest
i am weak, I confess
it's your love, your sweetness

Sweet w a t e r m e l o n
Creator of the masses
molasses of my trespasses
me You have convinced
Your kindness forced my repentance
forgiven death sentence
i'll be forever more contrite
and in saying so, I bite.

Quote of the Week

"I tried to read a book, and I found myself skipping pages to be more efficient with time. What's all that about?!"
Adam recalling his struggles on his one day to relax

And I Didn't Even Mention Jesus

Dear Ms. Williams,

In response to your article in the Spring 2005 issue of Teaching Tolerance entitled, "Caroline is a Boy":
I've often wondered why we tend to lean more towards words like tolerance and open-mindedness in exchange for the most common and (in my personal belief) most powerful term "love", in relation to subjects with regards to gender and sexuality. And after careful study and observance I've methodically concluded that love is a term in which it's substance never excludes the actuality that there is a standard. For love, if it is in fact love, is unconditional, meaning that in spite of present conditions, even if un-agreed, the devotion that one has toward the other is unaffected.

Tolerance (t lr-ns) n –
1.The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.
2. Leeway for variation from a standard.

I found the second part of the definition even more interesting than the first. In teaching this so-called "tolerance" that you are suggesting be infiltrated into our educational system, it is evident that there is a double agenda. By paying closer attention to the two definitions I can see why one would be lured into believing that they are synonymous. However, this is quite the contrary. The double agenda is to a) get the individual to recognize; and b) sway them into denouncing their standard and adopting the one(s) presented before them. Needless to say, for anyone to have a standard in the society in which we dwell is now offensive. I believe that a standard should be respected on all levels. I understand the standard that you were attempting to portray within your article. Caroline was a she who made a conscious decision that her she wasn't working out, so she became a he and then she, who was a he, was now John. By making an effort to establish a curriculum of tolerance into our educational systems, it will be easier for people like Caroline/John, to adapt more to their environment.

In many ways, I agree that there is a need to build an environment conducive for people like Caroline. There are ways of attaining this without re-structuring the entire environment, resulting in altering the worldviews of all of the children within it. If Jessica, Sussie and Tiffany are all within the same class and Jessica, Sussie and Tiffany were born with female genetalia and they are comfortable with their having grown up as little girls who go to little girls bathrooms and sit instead of stand, what then would happen if we now introduced a curriculum that suggested that Jessica, Sussie and Tiffany had a choice in their sexuality and gender all along? It would not only re-structure their thinking, but it would change a standard that they have been brought up on. So you see this isn't tolerance that you are suggesting; it's re-socialization. It's implementing an element of choice to young people who are only in school because of their lack of maturity in making choices. As a result of Caroline/John's predicament, the educational system will now attempt to persuade the Jessica, Sussie and Tiffany's of the world into the idea that they, too can shift from their particular standard and choose. If Jessica, Sussie and Tiffany have been brought up on a standard, it's not the educational system's responsibility to re-socialize the standard that they have been brought up on by introducing ideologies to them that would suggest otherwise.

What would eliminate both aspects of this two-part definition is by implementing an agenda of love, not only into our educational system, but into our families. "Love", in all its purity is clearly a term that has been re-defined in a subjective manner to fit each individual's own personal prescription. "I was in love with Bob"; "I love my dog, Spot"; "I love the way you comb your hair"; "I loved dinner last night". "Love" has simply turned into a synonym for "like". Why not bring clarity to the beauty of this term and instruct our children that their sole responsibility is not to reject others who's views may conflict, nevertheless to continue to embrace their own standard.

Sincerely,
Khristi L. Adams

15 Degrees Less Than Agonizing

Maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson. Or of course, the obvious one of there actually being something within yourself that needs purging. What is blatantly obvious to me is that in the end, the overall theme here is that something needs to be done with me. Period. It's these awkward relationships with individuals around me that has me thinking. And the common denominator in them all is that there is some sort of conflicting trait(s) that continues to surface that just knaws as me to no end. In the past it was easy. I chose who I wanted to be around, when I wanted to be around them, and if we just didn't click, I had no difficulty in courteously being the first to accept defeat. "It was really nice trying, but this just isn’t going to work. See you around?". And keep in mind this extends throughout traditional friendships to romantic relationships to working with bosses and co-workers and any and everything else that requires some sort of joining. Relationships will always require work. For me they always have. But never, never did I feel like from the moment I wake up, till the moment I go to sleep, every corner I turn, additional exertion will be required to maintain and preserve the sanctity of these relationships. It's all so overwhelming. Some of them are new, some of them are old, but what I can take no credit for is that I chose any one of them. Because in the end, I am no longer in control of even the very simplicities of these relationships in my life. And in the end, what apprehensions that are presented before me is ultimately my fault because I have made a conscious decision to submit every area of my life to God and regrettably for my soulish area, this is just one of those that I forgot was included. My flesh doesn't like it. It's uncomfortably laborious and about 15 degrees less than agonizing. Maybe when my flesh has been excised enough, I'll be able to perceive how my spirit feels about it. Until then, I burn.

Paradigm S h i f t

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Anonymous

It’s easy to make a statement that human beings resist change. And I do agree. There are those of us who have become so accustomed to our environment, to our culture, to our manner of principle, that to suggest change would seem outlandish. But I don’t think that change within our own particular society has been that difficult. Most of the change taken place has benefited everyone in one way or the other. Most of the change that has taken place has fallen into everyone’s own agenda in one way or the other. For example, change in technology has worked to our benefit. Change in governmental administration. Change is such a democratic tenet. One may suggest the change, but the majority will choose to accept or reject it. Whether we know it or not, change, for the most part, is under our own personal jurisdiction. So, change can be a rather comfortable thing when that comfort is rationed by...well, me.

The above quote, if adhered to, would require some sort of paradigm shift. The experience part of the quote doesn’t need defining, but the being part of the quote does. If we are in fact, human beings having a spiritual experience, then no shift takes place because we have been trained since birth to identify with our humanity and the spiritual aspect of it is therapeutic fantasy that is subject to the individual. If we are in fact, spiritual beings, then that requires a shift because we have not been educated as spiritual beings. If we are spiritual then that would indicate that our existence is an effect and not a cause. And then the cause would have to be something rising above the natural because it’s not logical that something natural could create something spiritual since the essence of spiritual exempts normalcy. So then, if I conclude that I am a human being (in the complete literal sense), then my existence is of man, therefore all questions that I have of my own reality should come from man, AND, I should live a lifestyle governed by man in all his changing philosophies and theory. After which, I can feel free to explore the complexities of the spiritual experience. This is the essence of the comfortable paradigm shift. It seems humanistic and rational and is governed completely by its suitor. But, if I conclude that I am a spiritual being, then my existence is of another, therefore all questions that I have of my own reality should come from my spiritual creator, AND, I should live a lifestyle governed by my spiritual Creator. Then, I can feel free to explore how it is that God wants me to relate to the human experience that I am clearly enveloped in. Of course then the question is, how will I determine who my spiritual Creator is?
Well, i’ll tell you this: The answer is not in man.

I Noticed.

"Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear meeeeeee
Happy Birthday to me!"

This is the first birthday ever that I am actually able to pay attention to something other than the beauty of my mature age or the fact that I'm legal or that I can finally get my New Jersey license face foward. I've noticed something else: People love me. I didn't have those trivial things to look foward to this year at the ripe old age of 21 years and 24 months as Andre would put it. I just kinda looked foward to waking up, going to work and continuing on with my normal routine.
But there has been nothing normal about today. I noticed you decorated the house and left little notes on my car. I noticed how one person can sing happy birthday 4 different ways and even though you don't know spanish, you found someone that did so that they could sing it on my voicemail. I noticed the surprise party with all of your conviniently purchased favortie cakes at the store. I noticed your instant messages, voice mails and work phone mails. I noticed your birthday cards. I noticed that you didn't forget even though I thought you did. I noticed how you took time out of your busy stellar awards weekend to give me a call. I noticed you visiting me at my job thinking I was surprised, but I knew you were coming. I noticed that even though you hate Mexican food, you took me there anyway.

Should I be shocked at these non-stop public displays of affection toward me today? Maybe shocked isn't the best word. Appreciative...grateful...reminded...thankful to God.

Dear Mr. Tillman-Young, I feel you.

I just wish I knew what it was like for someone else to have emotional control over me. So much in fact that I'd be even the slightest bit tempted to bargain what it is that I know has given me (the desires of my heart), all for the low price of "God told me, you're supposed to". It just makes me so angry, you know? These manipulation tactics that we use. It's all so controlling. What it says is that I, being the prophet that God called me, can use magic powers to mysteriously persuade you to do what it is that I said that God said that you're supposed to do. How dare you, a mere layperson, deny the power of God through me, the prophet of God, by suggesting that you too, hear from the Almighty? I mean, you probably do hear through those trivial means like during a bible study.

It's not you Mr. Tillman-Young. It's not even your present condition, although it has motivated me to think and inspired me to write. No, it's the mindset that keeps the soldier of God unable to complete their assignment. The lure of an idea that there never was an assignment. Which is why there are no real revivals or any real miracles. Then the American missionaries walk the streets only to find themselves evangelizing to church rejects who are angry because somebody talked them into putting up their babies for adoption because they had your best interests at heart. It's a sad, sad thing. I can't let that happen to me Mr. Tillman-Young. I can't. I won't.

The Language of the 21st Century Spritual Infidel According to Myself...and Lewis of Course.

God - 1. Someone ignored during time of ignorant bliss; Someone summoned in time of need or great distress.
2. Someone who created us for the sole purpose of us creating Him.

Lewis' definition: Whatever the universe happens to be doing next.

Religion- 1. A spiritual lifestyle only embraced when it's doctrinal views include enthusiastic acceptance of "other religions" or lifestyles.
2. A spiritual lifestyle that's normally rejected by the mass when it's doctrinal stance believes that theirs is "the way". Usually Christianity.

Love- A conditional feeling; a high.

Truth- 1. Whatever's proper for that particular person.
2. A belief stemming from a persons upbringing, social construct and environment.

Christian- 1. A hypocrite; a bigot, who unjustly believes that they posses the absolute truth.
2. One who influences political agendas by inflicting morality and ethics on others.

Lewis' definition: Includes no idea or belief. Usually a vague term of approval. 'A decent chap who's unselfish etc.'

Church- A place to go to some Sunday's, "Easter" and Christmas.

Dogma- Lewis' definition: Used by people only in a bad sense to mean 'unproved assertion delivered in an arrogant manner'.

Immorality- No such thing.

Sin- No such thing unless it includes something that would cause physical harm to another.

Spiritual- A sensual feeling or state of being that a person considers to label themselves when they are in tune with the universe as being open to all things atypical.

A Virgin: a what?


(all Lewis' definitions taken from God on the Dock)

Quote of the Week

"Girl, I don't think I'm going to bible study tonight. I need a break. I mean, I've been out every night all this week. Monday...well Monday I went straight home after work, but Tuesday...Tuesday I went to the gym and then to the mall."

Ebonee on her tiring week up until Wednesday

Orgasm Spasms: Take Two!

Annnnnnd....ACTION!

Let’s do little role play. You pretend you’re me and i’ll pretend i’m you. You take life’s blows and make the decision I made and i’ll take life’s blows and make the decision you made. The decision, being my investing in the eternal and you investing in...well, I guess in the world. Now let’s say we both die. And let’s just say that death...death is only physical, but the spirit and soul live on. Would you say that you, being me, would have any stock or profit left over? Would I say that me, being you, would have any stock or profit left over. The logical response would be that the one that invested in the eternal would have anything to gain, post-death. Oh and believe me, there is a post-death...for everyone. It’s not death that you should worry yourself with, but the second death that’s cause for concern. For many walk whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and who’s glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. But my citizenship is in heaven, from which also I wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.
I don’t know why God created humans with free will. It’s just making a mess of things. He gives us the choice, tells us what to choose and then we choose option B, throwing our free will in His face. And now our society is 80% full of option B’ers who’ve come to the conclusion that both options were right, just to make ourselves feel better about making the wrong choice.

Okay, so let’s go back. I’m you. And I realize that you, being me, chose option A. And you realize that me, being you, chose option B. What will you do? If you being me say that you love me and you know that by choosing option A you would live eternally, wouldn’t you make it your mission to suede me to choose A? Now that I, being you, has chosen option B willfully, what then is my goal? It surely isn’t to convert you, for I, being you, wouldn’t think that you, being me, has anything to gain by choosing option B. My only motivation would be to get you to realize that there never was an A or a B. Which is about just as much bad philosophy as spoiled collard greens. You and I are both fully aware that there is, in fact, an A and a B. So what is my goal? Is it to mock and ridicule you for making the decisions “He” told you to make? Is it to rule you out as a high-minded, self-righteous “A” chooser? I guess, me, being you, would have no other choice other than to alienate you. All you freaking A’s!

At this point friend, I want to nickname you B, but then you’d probably take insult at the fact that B is naturally secondary to A. So, if you want, you can call me B and i’ll call you A. It really doesn’t matter.

Remember Lorie.

His wife died

and now his eyes tell his story

of sorrow exceeding pain

and grief beyond despair

when she died so did he

trapped between worlds

hoping that fate would draw near.

His wife died

and nights remain sleepless

escaping the realities that a dream might bring him

her smell, her laugh, her love,

a reminder that they no longer exist.

His wife died

he swears he still sees her

watching over him, tucking the children in

keeping her clothes in tact

half bottle of perfume on the dresser

to convince himself, she's still here.

His wife died

he wades in the water

hoping that it would swallow him

and take him to her

the sting of death is the only way to bring him life again.

His wife died

his tears are internal

tearing away at the heart that remains

futile, useless

just enough love remaining to kiss the children goodnight.

His wife died

his words are hollow and echo with

Remember When She?

Remember When We?

Remember Lorie?

The Preservation of the 21st Century Charismatic Christian Cliche

Breakthrough - What happens when a Christian comes to a realization that results in immediate change in thought and action.

Holy Ghost - Another term for the Holy Spirit. The "ghost" may seem to roll off the tongue easier.

Saved- A term that denotes that a person has accepted Jesus. Paul said to the Romans, "If you'll confess with your mouth and believe in your heart in the Lord Jesus then you will be saved". Also suggests that a person has been saved from something.

Walk - Different from "saved." Means that a person has accepted Jesus and now they have accepted their responsibility to grow or mature as a Christian. The "walk" is the actual journey.

Called - A person has been chosen by God from the foundations of the world, for a specific assignment.

Unequally Yoked - When a person who is unsaved gets into a romantic involvement with a person who is saved. Or a person who is at a certain level in their walk who is dating someone who may be saved but is not walking.

Covered - A person makes sure that they have prayed and asked God for special protection before they enter into a particular place or situation.

Delivered - When a person has been brought out of a particular area of sin.

Receive - To take on and internalize a particular thought or suggestion that will eventually manifest.

Dealin' - A person who is an open homosexual, a closet homosexual, struggling, or having homosexual tendencies.

The Body - Short for "The Body of Christ", who are the collective group of people that have accepted Christ.

Feel Led - Describes how one attributes ones actions or behaviors to a sense that they are being directed by God to carry out those actions

One Accord - When a group of Christians desire to be on the "same page" with the others. In the Bible in the book of Acts, the disciples were on one accord which resulted in the manifestation of the power of the Holy Spirit.

On Fire- Describes when a Christian is really excited and reved up about God, and it's evident to those around them.

The World - Describes all civilizations, nations, societies and religious and secular organizations outside of Christianity.

Don't Cross Me.

I didn't like to be crossed then, and I don't like to be crossed now.

(-: